End of the quest?

I started this blog to keep my family up-to-date about what was going on with me way over here in Korea. I guess it has served its purpose. During Grace's first year, it was also nice to have a place to write about my frustrations regarding her sleep, and I got some good advice from kind posters. These days, I just don't know what to write about. Life is both exciting and mundane at the same time. Grace's developments are happening too fast for me to blog about, and would bore most other people anyway. That's the part of life that is exciting for me. Grace.

The mundane part is the day-to-day stuff. Teaching ESL. Writing ESL books. Having no clear goals to work towards. The summer heat. Making soup for the weekend. There's not much for me to comment on here because it's all really boring and so much is up in the air. I envy people who are working on something they're passionate about, like Mama Seoul and her doula work, and people who are making major life changes, like Running with Chopsticks who is moving out of country... people like We've got Seoul, who is working on her masters so enthusiastically, and people like Mommy Cha who is so dedicated to her business here in Korea. What the heck am I working on? A whole lot of nothing. Just working and not really getting anywhere.

I actually contacted a "life coach" the other day. I have no idea if this was a dumb thing to do or not, but I thought, what do I have to lose? He said he offers a free 30-min assessment session. I'm skeptical, but obviously desperate. Although I've been talking about moving to Canada for so long, I've come to the realization recently that things are not going to take care of themselves once I get there. I need to have a pretty solid plan in place for when I arrive, and preferably, a solid backup plan as well. I cannot just show up.

I'm working on a teacher's guide for D publishing company right now. It is so boring that I've really had trouble focusing on it. I could have been done it two weeks ago, but it is just that painful to write. Seriously, if you need to be told, "Tell students to open their books to page x and make sure pencils and erasers are ready. Play CD track x and ...." you'd better start thinking about another career. My mind is melting away and if they ask me to think of one more "extension" game I'm going to freak out. Where was I going with this? .... Oh yes.... This book is my last. I've already explained to publishers that I will be taking a break. I am going to meet with said life coach and see if he can help me (probably not, but it'll be interesting and it'll get me into Seoul for some fun time), and I'm going to take some time off to breathe, start Sejin's immigration paperwork (finally), and start making some major decisions about what we're going to do with our lives. The next few years are not going to be easy and I need to start preparing for that.

Want a Grace update? Well, here's one anyway. She's 17.5 months, cute as ever, and smart as a whip. She's saying a lot of words in two languages. She prefers some words in English and some in Korean, but understands both. For example, she understands perfectly when I use "milk," but she will only say "uyoo." I think it's because that is easier to say. She understands both words for bear, but prefers saying "bear" over "gom." So, that's all very exciting. Her sign language is out of control. I thought she would not want to sign much more at this point, but she is picking up even more. Sometimes I don't know what she is trying to sign because there are too many and I suspect she has made a few up on her own. Baby signs have made a huge difference in our lives. I highly recommend using them with your baby. They are still helpful for us. Her favourite one these days is "help." If she wants out of her stroller, or wants a bag opened or something like that, she will look at me and sign "help." I think this has drastically cut down on toddler whining. I'm pretty proud of her.She continues to thrive at daycare. Now more than ever I am convinced I made the right choice by sending here there. I had a lot of moments when I wasn't sure (especially when she was continually ill and tired), but she has adjusted well now and can't wait to get on the road in the morning to see her friends. When I pick her up in the afternoon, she goes around and shows me everything, like the toys, the pictures on the walls, her friends (she points and does the sign for "friends"...so proud). She really enjoys it. I have to laugh when her caretakers tell me that her favourite class is the English class (they have a Filipino teacher come once a week). She has a little boyfriend there. He's about 2 years old. The caretakers tell me he just adores her and takes good care of her. When I dropped her off at the playground yesterday he sat down beside her and held her hand and was just beaming. Grace just looked at me like, who is this guy? That kid definitely needs a little sister. Anyway, it's really great to know she is safe there and having fun while I'm working. And it's right in our apartment complex, which is very convenient.

That's our life in a nutshell. I'm loving watching Grace grow up so pretty and smart, but feeling like something is missing in our lives. A major change is needed, that's for sure.

Oh, I started this post because I have been torn on whether or not to delete this blog. Still undecided, like everything else. What a jumbled mess this post is.