Friday, June 18, 2010

End of the quest?

I started this blog to keep my family up-to-date about what was going on with me way over here in Korea. I guess it has served its purpose. During Grace's first year, it was also nice to have a place to write about my frustrations regarding her sleep, and I got some good advice from kind posters. These days, I just don't know what to write about. Life is both exciting and mundane at the same time. Grace's developments are happening too fast for me to blog about, and would bore most other people anyway. That's the part of life that is exciting for me. Grace.

The mundane part is the day-to-day stuff. Teaching ESL. Writing ESL books. Having no clear goals to work towards. The summer heat. Making soup for the weekend. There's not much for me to comment on here because it's all really boring and so much is up in the air. I envy people who are working on something they're passionate about, like Mama Seoul and her doula work, and people who are making major life changes, like Running with Chopsticks who is moving out of country... people like We've got Seoul, who is working on her masters so enthusiastically, and people like Mommy Cha who is so dedicated to her business here in Korea. What the heck am I working on? A whole lot of nothing. Just working and not really getting anywhere.

I actually contacted a "life coach" the other day. I have no idea if this was a dumb thing to do or not, but I thought, what do I have to lose? He said he offers a free 30-min assessment session. I'm skeptical, but obviously desperate. Although I've been talking about moving to Canada for so long, I've come to the realization recently that things are not going to take care of themselves once I get there. I need to have a pretty solid plan in place for when I arrive, and preferably, a solid backup plan as well. I cannot just show up.

I'm working on a teacher's guide for D publishing company right now. It is so boring that I've really had trouble focusing on it. I could have been done it two weeks ago, but it is just that painful to write. Seriously, if you need to be told, "Tell students to open their books to page x and make sure pencils and erasers are ready. Play CD track x and ...." you'd better start thinking about another career. My mind is melting away and if they ask me to think of one more "extension" game I'm going to freak out. Where was I going with this? .... Oh yes.... This book is my last. I've already explained to publishers that I will be taking a break. I am going to meet with said life coach and see if he can help me (probably not, but it'll be interesting and it'll get me into Seoul for some fun time), and I'm going to take some time off to breathe, start Sejin's immigration paperwork (finally), and start making some major decisions about what we're going to do with our lives. The next few years are not going to be easy and I need to start preparing for that.

Want a Grace update? Well, here's one anyway. She's 17.5 months, cute as ever, and smart as a whip. She's saying a lot of words in two languages. She prefers some words in English and some in Korean, but understands both. For example, she understands perfectly when I use "milk," but she will only say "uyoo." I think it's because that is easier to say. She understands both words for bear, but prefers saying "bear" over "gom." So, that's all very exciting. Her sign language is out of control. I thought she would not want to sign much more at this point, but she is picking up even more. Sometimes I don't know what she is trying to sign because there are too many and I suspect she has made a few up on her own. Baby signs have made a huge difference in our lives. I highly recommend using them with your baby. They are still helpful for us. Her favourite one these days is "help." If she wants out of her stroller, or wants a bag opened or something like that, she will look at me and sign "help." I think this has drastically cut down on toddler whining. I'm pretty proud of her.She continues to thrive at daycare. Now more than ever I am convinced I made the right choice by sending here there. I had a lot of moments when I wasn't sure (especially when she was continually ill and tired), but she has adjusted well now and can't wait to get on the road in the morning to see her friends. When I pick her up in the afternoon, she goes around and shows me everything, like the toys, the pictures on the walls, her friends (she points and does the sign for "friends" proud). She really enjoys it. I have to laugh when her caretakers tell me that her favourite class is the English class (they have a Filipino teacher come once a week). She has a little boyfriend there. He's about 2 years old. The caretakers tell me he just adores her and takes good care of her. When I dropped her off at the playground yesterday he sat down beside her and held her hand and was just beaming. Grace just looked at me like, who is this guy? That kid definitely needs a little sister. Anyway, it's really great to know she is safe there and having fun while I'm working. And it's right in our apartment complex, which is very convenient.

That's our life in a nutshell. I'm loving watching Grace grow up so pretty and smart, but feeling like something is missing in our lives. A major change is needed, that's for sure.

Oh, I started this post because I have been torn on whether or not to delete this blog. Still undecided, like everything else. What a jumbled mess this post is.


Dani said...

In the words of my father: "Don't throw away any of your work!" You worked hard on your blog, and even if you don't post it any more, at least it is a record of your life. You never know in the future when you might have a sudden spark of inspiration and decide to write about living and raising a child in Korea...and there are all your notes saved for you on the web!

I have been feeling pretty aimless these days, as well. Been thinking about going back so Trin can work, but all I have waiting for me is the chance to be a receptionist, or working in customer service. Not happy about either. There's no money for another degree just yet, and I can't afford childcare back home (or probably health insurance, for that matter). I don't think a life coach is a bad idea. Maybe I need one, too. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Oooo the life coach sounds very interesting! What's their background? How did you decide to use that company?

My life certainly isn't exciting, believe you me. I've just spent the last 4 hours reading about curriculum development in language teaching - let the good times roll.

But I do have a plan (and well, I constantly rehash new plans, some more plausible than others). I think that you do need a change and starting to do the research for it will be invigorating! Fighting!!

I'm keen to read the update about the life coach - perhaps if they're decent I'll go too ^^

Aaron McKenzie said...

Looks to me like you've got plenty to write about. I quite appreciated this post, actually, as I could relate to the sentiments (well, maybe not the parenting bit...).

Hope life takes some shape for you soon, and good luck on the immigration paperwork. I have to get on that for the missus ASAP, too. Just be happy you're not trying to sneak the hubs into the US.

All the best to you.

Chris in South Korea said...

There's absolutely no reason to delete the blog. End of story. To many people do that, and deserve future readers of your inspiring words or personal story.

Perhaps it's time to shift focus, but no reason to shut this one down yet :)

MommyCha said...

The cuteness is just getting started! ^^ Grace will continue to amaze, delight and astound you as time goes by. We all love hearing about her discovering the world around her.
I love reading about your crafting as well, it always gives me inspiration!
AS for me, well, the company is great, I love it and would not have started it if I hadn't fallen in love with Moby with Thomas. It has been hard work but rewarding in its way. I am sure you will find something that appeals to you as well.
Keep questing my dear, there is so much more cuteness to discover!^.^

MommyCha said...

Ps- How many of us know each other thanks to you and the awesome blog you started? ^.~

Becky said...

I second what every one else has said. I love to hear about little Grace and your life whether in Korea or Canada.

I also love hearing about the crafting you do.

This blog will be facinating to Grace when she is older. I wish my mom had had time to do what you did here.

We love you Sarah!

San said...

Oh no.. dont delete the blog!! I still read some of your very old entries when Grace wasa baby!!!

This kind of feeling comes for all, just to put us on focus and on the right path! So do not worry!. Alls for good, and you will find your way.. From thw moment I resigned my job, I always keep getting the 'lost n aimless' feeling now and then... but things will fall into place as you refine your thoughts..

All the Best.. but continue writing the blog.. I may not be writing..but am still reading..

Sarah said...

D - Yes, I agree, financial worries definitely add more stress to the situation. I wish I were free to quit working all together and pursue whatever I wanted....but this is real life I guess. :(

WGS- I know the process of getting your masters is not that exciting, but you're on your way somewhere, bettering yourself. I will keep you guys updated about the life coach. I'm interested to see what this guy is all about.

A - Thanks for the comment! Wish we were still in Seoul. Would like to see you guys again some time

Chris - Thanks! You're right. I probably won't delete it. Too many people need to know how to get to Dongdaemun!

MommyCha - Thanks for your comment. Very happy your business is taking off. I hope we are struck with some awesome idea some time. And yes, I admit, I'm happy I played a part in starting the foreign moms' network

Becky - Thank you! I probably will continue to post about crafting, although I have not had much time lately. Let's hope I have more time in the future.

San - I'm glad my older posts are of help to you. I think it's important to see the contrast between my tone back then compared to now. Things do get a lot better in terms of sleep.

Mama Seoul said...

Just blog when you want and don't stress. Your craft posts are great and your friends like seeing Grace's developments!