Progress?

Been doing the Baby Whisperer stuff for 5 days now. Sometimes I think Hey, this is working! Sometimes I don't think I can deal with one more nap time.

Basically, I've been trying to break the association between eating and sleeping, so I'm putting her down awake to fall asleep on her own. This hasn't been easy. I do not let her cry (if she cries, I pick her up and comfort her), but I do not let her fall asleep while eating.

It's really hard to say whether anything is happening because something like this could take serious time, depending on the baby. Grace was very dependent on nursing to sleep, so I figure it's going to take another week at least for her to feel really comfortable going to sleep by herself. To her credit though, she did fall asleep by herself for her morning nap, and tonight at bedtime. A bit of babbling and squealing, some whimpering, then sleep. But I'm hesitant to get excited about it because in the past I have been too quick to declare success.

Do I seem obsessive about this? Well, I am. I really want to know that when I leave the house for work or whatever reason, Grace will know how to go to sleep without me. These days if I have to go out, she keeps herself up basically until she crashes. Not good.

Speaking of work, some decent part time positions have come up, but unfortunately, I can only work temporarily since we are going to Canada mid-August for 5 weeks. Should I just withhold that information and spring it on them last minute? It's really not my style -- I hate lying...but it seems I may not get anything otherwise.
I knitted this summer top for Grace, and yet again, it doesn't fit. Well, it does fit, but probably for about a week or two! I think I'm going to stop knitting baby stuff altogether. I seem to have serious sizing issues! That or I'm only going to knit things in toddler sizes so I know they will fit eventually. My sister got me this book of kid size knitting patterns. Think it's time to get that out.

You go, Papa Jo

Very often I (and I think a lot of moms) get obsessed with trying to do everything themselves -- I'll do that! No, I do it like this. No, you can't do that. She doesn't like that. I know everything!

I admit that I have become a little bit like that with Grace and I don't like that. I need to give Sejin some time to find his own ways of doing things with her, especially in the event that I have to return to work. So two nights ago I was having huge trouble putting her to sleep. Three hours later I said, "You give it a try." And he did.

He came back and she was sleeping. What did you do, Sejin? He turned down all the lights to pitch dark (I usually leave a dim light on), covered her bumper pads with a towel, swaddled her, put on some lavender aroma oil, put one of my worn T-shirts in the corner of her crib, and left the room. She slept.

Where have you been for the last almost 5 months??!! Oh yeah...I've been pushing you away! Silly, silly, silly...

From here on in I'm ready to accept any help or suggestions from Sejin. I really have to start giving him more credit.

Last night I used his techniques, and although she didn't go down right away, she did sleep from 10pm through 'til 5am, the longest stretch in a while. Who knew?

Do we have a stay-at-home-dad in the making here? Stay tuned to find out...

It's not easy

Sometimes being a mom can make you feel like a moron. There are moments when I get so frustrated from not being able to figure things out. I'm more of a logical, left-brain person, and I enjoy finding the answer. On top of this, I'm a perfectionist. These aren't the best qualities to have when it comes to motherhood because sometimes you just have to accept things and ride the wave rather than fix them.

For the last few days Grace and I have had some trouble with nursing and her sleep is getting worse. This comes as a blow because we were making some progress. But this time, I'm really trying hard not to get upset about it. I'm accepting that there are going to be ups and downs and there may be things going on with her that I can't see, which means I won't be able to "figure it out."

This article at Ask Moxie really helped me accept that I can't understand everything. There could be any number of reasons Grace isn't eating or sleeping well these last few days. I've noticed she has been trying pretty hard to roll over in her crib. Her hand control is getting really great in the last week. Or, it could be a cognitive development I can't see. Or, she could just not be feeling the greatest. Who knows?

I will not freak out. I will not freak out. I will not freak out. I will not freak out...

Lowering my expectations

After a three hour soothing marathon last night where Sejin and I tagged off several times, I was really frustrated. What am I doing wrong? She's tired enough (rubbing eyes, clawing ears, drooping eyelids, etc). I've been sticking to the routine. What could it be?

So I'm trying a different approach today. Swaddling is back in. Surprisingly, at almost 16 weeks, she seems to still like it. 20 minutes of soothing after bath and she's out. A fluke? No idea, but I'm going with it because I'm exhausted. I left one arm out so that she could suck her thumb if needed. Perhaps she just felt too exposed and not quite secure enough in her crib before. I know she's fairly comfortable in there because she can spend up to 1/2 hour in there during the day smiling and babbling at the bumpers, but there's something about falling asleep that is difficult for her. But hey -- she's not even four months old. Sometimes I think I have to lower my expectations!

Honestly, that expression "sleep like a baby" is waaaay off.

She knows

It hit me tonight.

She knows I'm nursing her to sleep now. That's why she so good at resisting. Sometimes she even turns her head toward the ceiling and smiles and laughs. It's her way of saying "Nah nah nah nah nah nah! I'm not going to sleep!"

Starting tomorrow, a new era begins. Some new way of putting her to sleep. She knows the routine now: I dim the lights, run her bath, put on the Sounds of the Ocean CD, put on the lavender oil, and bathe her. I get her dressed, tidy up from the bath, put on the white noise (rain shower CD) and then nurse her in bed until she falls asleep, then move her to the crib. She knows exactly what's going on and that it's time to sleep.

So she must sleep. Or mommy will go crazy.